About time

Posted on August 18, 2014. Filed under: meditation | Tags: , , , , , , |

Hello again! It has been over a year since I have written a post but I thought now was a good time to start again.

Again, just as I did when I started this blog over a year ago; I find myself at a new starting line. I have just moved from Delaware to St. Louis, Missouri with my long time boyfriend to finally start “my new life.” I have dreams for this “new life.” Dreams of finding my perfect job; a job that fulfills me and uses my talents to fulfill others. I have dreams about becoming engaged and married, about purchasing a house in a nice neighborhood, about having a group of girlfriends to go to happy hours and shopping with, dreams about joining a book club, joining a running and triathlon club and dreams about finally learning how to knit.

Except the thing is, I don’t want these things to be dreams. I want them to happen NOW. Yes, just like the kid throwing a tantrum that wants the candy bar in the checkout line. I have been throwing temper tantrums in my mind– why aren’t all these great things happening?!

Time, that’s why. I was recently out to dinner with a couple of friends, and upon lamenting my woes of my stall in life, a friend said, “I predict that in 5 years you will have everything you want.” And she is right and wrong at the same time.

In five years I am sure I will have many of the things I am constantly wishing for now. However, I have plenty to be thankful for in THIS moment and to be constantly wishing for more results in denying myself the pleasure of fully participating in and appreciating THIS time in my life.

I have just moved to a new city and do not have family here but there is such a thing called technology- my family in Ohio is only a phone call, a text, a Skype date, or even a Facebook post away and I am blessed to be able to easily hop in my car and visit in person. I do not have stable friend group but this gives me the opportunity to meet new people and form deeper bonds with my boyfriend’s family and the friends I do have here. I am not engaged but this does not stop my relationship from continuing to grow, it does not stop us from continuing to learn from each other and love one another. I do not have a home of my own but have been given the opportunity to save for a future home. I do not have a job yet but this gives me time to finally read all those books I have been toting in boxes from new place to new place, time to explore clubs and opportunities in my new city and yes, time to perhaps finally learn to knit. I may not have everything I want but I do have everything I need right now.

Most nights, before falling asleep, I say the Serenity Prayer. In saying this prayer there are two phrases that really speak to this time in my life, “living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” It’s about time I did just that.

Live vigorously,

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